tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87461068679862181622024-03-08T04:12:30.885-05:00Fuzzy Red Bees: Living with Chronic MigraineA chronicle of life with debilitating, daily migraines, trippy auras, and all of the challenges, obstacles, struggles, battles, disappointments, and, once in awhile, blessings, that come with this life...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-18504080639960423312016-02-06T22:39:00.001-05:002016-02-06T22:39:33.003-05:00Bees in WinterRecently, I have met a few people who also suffer from chronic migraines and, as expected, most of us have tried the same meds, the same treatments, and have experienced similar side effects and confronted the same judgements. It's nice to talk to people who get it, so to speak. But, at the same time, it is a little disheartening when you are confronted with the fact that very little advancements have been made in the last several years in the study or treatment of migraines. Also, we still have a lot of work to do to educate non migraine sufferers on the fact that a migraine is NOT "just a headache."<br />
In Indiana, this year, we have had virtually no Winter. It has been unseasonably mild. Furthermore, the weather has been increasingly erratic--40's and raining one day, 20 degrees and windy the next. Basically, a nightmare for the migraine sufferer. And, the bees, the bees continue to come and mark the pain.<br />
One thing that has helped me lately is essential oils. After doing some extensive research, I put together a blend of essential oils that I call "Migraine Soother." I put the mixture in a roller bottle & apply directly to my forehead & temples when the migraine strikes. It doesn't get rid of the pain, but it definitely takes the edge off a bit, makes the pain a little less acute. More on this & where you can get some later.<br />
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Wishing you all more pain-free days & sleep-filled nights.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-41615265392735187622015-02-11T16:11:00.001-05:002015-02-11T16:14:41.428-05:00Spread the Word!Order this awesome t-shirt and stop the spread of the lie that migraines are just bad headaches!<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-50543570810595895832015-01-08T23:25:00.002-05:002015-01-08T23:25:32.380-05:00Asleep at the WheelRecently, I was driving my daughter to the dentist one morning after having just dropped my other three children at the bus stop, when I nodded off at the wheel. I, unknowingly drove right through an intersection, luckily the light was green! Then, my truck slammed into a curb, at which point I bolted awake and steered the truck into an adjacent McDonald's parking lot to inspect the damage. Both tires on the passenger side were destroyed, as well as, the rims. All in all, this momentary slip of consciousness cost me about $680. It could have cost me a lot more. I shudder at the more awful ways this could have gone done. What if the light had been red? What if I had drifted the opposite way into oncoming traffic? What if...?<br />
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The fact is that the medicines that I take to treat and prevent my chronic migraines make me sleepy. What do I do--stop driving? Maybe.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-14030567203618813632014-11-30T01:47:00.003-05:002014-11-30T01:47:29.914-05:00Really? Still...I have been getting migraines since I was 14 years old. As I got older, they got worse. In may early thirties, they got so bad that I had to quit working. I was a high school teacher--as job I loved. It killed me to have to give my career up. Pretty much everyone who knows me, knows this about me. Certainly my family knows this, And, yet, when I have to cancel an engagement or I tell someone that I know that I cannot attend their dinner or the movie or whatever, I still get the judgement. I still get the audible sigh and the forced "get better." People still get pissy and judgey. It is extremely irritating, disheartening, demeaning, and downright rude! If I was blind or was in a wheel chair or suffered from multiple sclerosis or cerebral palsy, no one would blink twice if I canceled or didn't show up. Shit! If I said I had the flu, no one would question my absence or judge me. So, how does the fact that my particular ailment, my disability, is chronic migraines, somehow give people license to judge me? Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-33512876861604846892014-11-17T01:32:00.000-05:002014-11-17T01:32:00.080-05:00Unexpected Side EffectsUnexpected side effects...no, I am not talking about medication. I am talking about the unexpected side effects of being at home. You worker bees out there are scratching your heads and thinking..."what does she mean, <i>being at home</i>? I'd rather be at home than at work.." Would you? Would you, <i>really</i>? I suppose it would depend on why you were home. If you were on vacation, of course you would rather be home than working. But, what if you were sick? Wouldn't you rather be healthy and at work than sick and at home? Probably...right? These were questions that I never really bothered to ask myself when I was fighting for my disability. All I thought about was the pain and how much I needed to stop working, not because I wanted to, but because I could not work anymore. <br />
Now, I'm home and I never expected to feel useless or worthless or so incredibly depressed. In my brain I know that I am not useless, I do as much as I can for my family. I take very good care of four spunky kids and one difficult husband despite my migraines and the fact that I am in almost constant pain. But I still feel it. Not going to work, not teaching, in my case, makes me feel less than. When I visit my kids' schools for games or plays or parent teacher conferences (especially parent teacher conferences), I can barely keep from crying. I feel like I should be on the other side of things. I <i>belong</i> on the other side of things. I feel ashamed when I have to say that I am disabled and that I'm not working. I feel worthless. I know I shouldn't. I do. But I cannot shake it. Some days I feel so depressed, I don't even want to leave my bedroom, let alone the house. Some days I am in so much pain, that I cannot do either, anyway. That just makes me more depressed. These are the unexpected side effects of being at home because you have to be. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-30334108046600289612013-04-21T19:07:00.000-04:002013-04-21T19:07:03.754-04:00Gone...and Back againThis afternoon, a level 8/9 migraine struck me as I was driving home. Could it have been the sun in my eyes (even bothersome through my sunglasses), the change in the temperature (likely) or the three kids jovially talking in the back seat? Who knows? But it came and it pierced me right behind my eye and down my neck. My vision blurred on that ill-fated left side. I was glad to be close to home--it's not the safest thing to be carting about a car load full of kids with blurred vision--even in just one eye! We made it home, and I stuck my self with the painful Imitrex subcutaneous shot. And, within the hour, the pain had greatly subsided, and my kids and I were able to go about our day, dinner and what not. And, then....WHAM! It's back again! This life of chronic migraines is really getting old! Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-80242541489888010452013-04-18T13:55:00.001-04:002013-04-18T13:55:10.126-04:00No, I Don't Wear Shades at Night because I Think I Look CoolIf you're a migraine sufferer, sensitivity to light is probably part of your M.O. You probably sleep with an eye mask and where sunglasses indoors wherever there is fluorescent or other harsh lighting, right? So, you know what I am talking about. Sometimes you get caught wearing your sunglasses at night, and people look at you, quizzically, wondering if you think you are just too cool for school. I don't drive in the dark with sunglasses on, honestly, I try to avoid driving at night whenever I can. But, when I have to, I do keep my sunglasses handy in case of have to stop at a floodlight oasis for gas or I have to run into a WalMart or Meijer or other such fluorescent lit store. And, if I am at the movies, you will definitely see me wearing my shades in the dark theater. Why? Because the light from the screen seers into my eyes and causes a migraine. So, next time you see someone like me donning shades in a darkened theater or while browsing the frozen food section, don't assume that we are silly or think we're cool or weird or have bad eye sight. Better yet, don't assume anything. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-13677506874409954872013-04-08T17:23:00.001-04:002013-04-08T17:23:10.958-04:00To Medicate or not to Mediate...That is the QuestionYawning, yawning, nonstop yawning today! Why is it that ALL of my meds have drowsiness and/or dizziness as a side effect?! It is irritating. It is bad enough that I have to take several different meds as it is, let alone having to deal with the side effects. I admit, drowsiness is irritating, but, compared to some of the other side effects of many of the drugs used for migraine prevention, it is a relatively mild side effect. I was recently in the hospital after experiencing the disastrous side effects of an MAOI drug called Nardil. Upon taking Nardil for about a week or so, I had a horrific panic attack in which I ended up in the ER. Additionally, I felt suicidal, severely depressed and out of control, like I was going crazy--I could not get control of my thoughts! Luckily, I had the wherewithal to reach out for help, and I called my doctor. She had me admitted into the hospital right away and, after several days of purging this drug from my system and being treated for the daily migraines, I was released. So, I ask you, migraine friends, why do we take all these dangerous meds? Is it really worth it in the end? I gotta tell ya, I am really struggling with this one because most of the drugs do not help with the migraines, so I see no need to continue them and deal with the side effects. And, I get tired of being prescribed different ones that don't work, either. Maybe one day they will find the right one? Or maybe I'll stop taking them altogether and just deal in rescue meds...?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-61147873959232763642013-04-06T22:03:00.001-04:002013-04-06T22:03:32.501-04:00I Accept Myself"I Accept Myself Unconditionally as I am Today"---I heard this little tidbit while watching a documentary about food, incidentally, but it seemed to me to be very profound and a good mantra for a headache sufferer to have. As a person in chronic pain, I sometimes do not accept myself as I am because I cannot do what I want or need to do because of searing migraine pain. At those moments, I sometimes get depressed, telling myself that I should be able to do this or that, that I am not a good enough wife or mother or friend, etc. Additionally, at those moments, I sometimes feel anxious, I start to worry that my friends won't like me anymore because I always have to cancel on them, when I was working, I used to worry about how missing work was affecting my work record, what my colleagues were thinking and I would beat myself up for not being there for my students. I feel anxiety that I will never get better, my heart starts beating faster at the thought of always being sick, my palms get sweaty, I feel restless, hopeless, sometimes helpless. Sometimes, I want to scream and thrash around because I am so upset that I got landed with chronic migraines, which has led to depression and anxiety disorder. Now, I have a triple whammy to deal with every day of my life and to burden the lives of my family and friends. This is a hard pill to swallow (much like some of the many I take on a daily basis--sorry I couldn't pass up the pun!). It is difficult to accept that there are some things beyond your control and that pain cannot always be controlled and that depression and anxiety can creep up on your and alter the your life plans. You can end up in the ER any given night when the headache decides not to respond to your abortives/rescue meds; or, if you are like me, a panic attack may grip you without warning and send you to the ER in an ambulance! Or you may end up in the hospital for 12 days when you have a very bad reaction to one of your meds! All of these types of things affect everyone in your life as you scramble around figuring out who is going to watch the kids or cover for you at work or make your apologies for whatever event you have been forced to miss. When these things happen, it is really hard to keep your chin up and remain positive. It is really difficult to accept your lot and life and, even, to accept yourself. I think that this is because this kind of life is, obviously, not the one you would have picked for yourself and you hate being such a burden on your family and friends. This is not the vision you had for your life. This is not how you want to be. But, what if you can just accept who you are every single day, even on the really bad days? Could you, if you tried? Would you want to? Of course you would. Does accepting yourself as you are mean that you have given up, that realize that there is no hope for you, you aren't going to get better? Absolutely not. Accepting yourself today means that you accept yourself every day and that, as you grow and change, you accept yourself, as you get better and have pain-free days, you accept yourself, when you have bad days, you accept yourself. I think there is a great freedom in that. Say it. Learn it, write it down, repeat it: "I Accept Myself Unconditionally as I am Today."Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-10427403537714318332013-04-03T19:14:00.002-04:002013-04-03T19:14:59.193-04:00Beast of Burden"I'll never be your beast of burden<br />I'll never be your beast of burden<br />Never, never, never, never, never, never, never be<br /><br />I'll never be your beast of burden<br />I've walked for miles, my feet are hurting<br />All I want is you to make love to me"<br />
<i>Beast of Burden, </i>the one and only Rolling Stones<br />
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<i>Beast of burden</i>--the kind of animal that you use to carry a heavy load for you, like a mule. A work animal. It occurred to me today in thinking about everything I do and how badly I am hurting while I am doing it, from cleaning to cooking to grocery shopping to attending my daughter's softball games and everything in between, that I have made myself the beast of burden for my family and for myself. I never say no, no matter how bad my head is throbbing, no matter how times I secretly run off to the bathroom to vomit, no matter that I may be seeing auras or feeling unsteady on my feet, I let my family and myself keep piling the burden on. Why do I do this? Because I feel obligated to give my family the best of me, even at my own expense. Because I love them and I feel guilty when I let them down. Because I don't want to put any burden on them.<br />
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And, it's not just me. I talk to my migraineur friends and they all do it. They all take on too much in order to appease family or friends or bosses. They all have made themselves the beasts of burden in their own lives. We migraineur's call it, "powering-through." And we say it with a kind of smirk of achievement, we "power-through" our pain and make everyone happy--we save the day-we are superheroes! Not exactly. This practice of "powering-through" just makes us sick. You can only pretend like you're not in pain for so long until you hit a wall and end up, most likely, in the hospital. Even Iron-Man has to recharge his batteries. So, take a page from Superhero 101 and get someone else to do your bidding, ask your sidekick. <br />
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Seriously, in the words of Jagger "never, never, never...be" Well, you get the picture: Ask for help. If your head is killing you and you cannot make it to the game, send your husband or ask your kid's friend's parents to drive this time, you can drive their kid another time. No energy for the grocery store?--cereal for dinner! It won't kill your family to eat Cheerios at night, trust me. Head feels like it's in a vice and you don't know what to cook for dinner--there's this wonderful invention called take-out! Call them! Don't burden yourself with every little thing. Be a real hero and no when to say no, know when to ask for help, know when it's time to take care of you. <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-89913260245895589912013-04-02T15:15:00.001-04:002013-04-02T15:15:41.712-04:00Inside/OutsideI am on the inside climbing the walls, screaming, scratching, running with no end in sight. On the outside, I appear normal, maybe a nervous shake of my leg will give me away. I feel crazy. I don't look crazy, but I feel crazy. I feel crazy and my head hurts. I want to bash it into a wall until it stops hurting; the thought of suicide even crossed my mind. Sounds crazy, I know. But that is how I feel. This was me a week ago. That's what landed me back into the hospital. Doc says the medicine made me feel that way. And, obviously, my migraine needed to be dealt with, as well. A week letter, I feel better. Not crazy but no cured. I'm afraid I may never be cured. And, my head? I did not pound it against the wall, I took the DHE treatments. And, now I can say that it still hurts, but it is at a manageable level. I know it won't stay that way, not for very long. And, that, is my cross to bear. I accept it. I have chronic migraine disease. I live with pain. But, dear friends, the point is, I live. I reached out. Always reach out to your doctor if you feel like your meds are not right, it's your body, you are in control of it. And, if that doc won't listen, get yourself a new one. And, live on, fight on. <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-80138946658027174742013-03-25T12:14:00.000-04:002013-03-25T12:14:08.960-04:00Being Mindful<i>Mindfulness</i>..<i>.being mindful</i>...I took a class on this during my stay in the hospital last week. Well, it wasn't so much a class as a talk, since I was the only one who showed up for it! Even so, I enjoyed learning about the concept of<i> mindfulness</i> and have tried to be more mindful every day. So, what does <i>mindfulness </i>or <i>being mindful</i> really mean? Well, I'm no expert, but from what I understand it means, really being in the moment, experiencing every thing at a particular moment. For example, if you were being mindful right now, you would understand and note the smells around you, what exactly you are doing, the sights that you can see, the feelings or emotions you are experiencing, any experiences of taste and touch you are having <u>right now</u>. Furthermore, mindfulness means understanding the fact that the only time is now--the past is just a concept of a certain time because it's over and the future is just a concept of time because it hasn't happened yet, the only thing that is real is now. Right now. So, focus on the now. This makes so much sense to me, and, as a person who stresses easily and doesn't handle stress well and is prone to anxiety and panic attacks, this <i>really </i>makes sense to me. Since being home from the hospital, I have tried mindfulness exercises several time and find it very soothing, even cathartic, at times. I think continuing to practice mindfulness will help me with the anxiety and maybe even make me a better writer, as I force myself to be a better observer of my world. Here is a link to a wonderful video on mindfulness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nwwKbM_vJc. I hope you will try it!<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-71120651464682722372013-03-21T23:21:00.000-04:002013-03-21T23:21:01.481-04:00Guinea PigsThis is Night Two of my hospital stay. Yes, you read it right, hospital stay. I'm back in. This is my fifth or sixth time admitted because of migraines! During my first stay here, I met others like me---people who had returned to this place four, five, six, twenty...times! I remember thinking, "What the hell?! Don't they get it right the first time around here?!" I knew very little then, though, I, of course thought that I knew it all. The truth is, with migraines, there is no getting it right the first time (well, maybe, for a <i>very</i> lucky few). Migraines are extremely tricky. There are several different types and several different symptoms that go with each of these types. Likewise, migraine sufferers experience their migraines in a myriad of different ways. Furthermore, since migraine has only fairly recently been recognized and, thus, researched, there are not a lot of treatments out there for migraine. In fact, there really are no drugs, specifically <i>for </i>migraines. All the preventatives started out as something else--antipsychotics, antiseizure meds, antidepressants, and it just so happened that some of them helped people with chronic migraine. And the abortives are basically the same way. So, you can see that undergoing migraine treatment is much like being a guinea pig, as they say, trial and error. So, here I am again. I tried to be a good girl and not take too many Zomigs, but, as before, I failed. What am I gonna do?! I just can't lay there and take the pain, and I hate going to the ER for a migraine! Anyway, to the point, I am here because I need to get off the Zomig. I don't know what the doc is going to replace it with. Truthfully, I am pretty scared. Also, I have been having a lot of anxiety lately and that needs to be addressed. So, fellow migraine ninjas (yes, you read that right--ninjas are awesome!), I am going to retire for the nigh, I can feel the Klonopin kicking in...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-91405077834845128702013-03-05T23:34:00.000-05:002013-03-05T23:34:08.326-05:00Stick around, Maybe You'll Learn SomethingI am disabled. I can walk, and I am not blind. But I do have a debilitating condition. I am disabled, even though you cannot tell by looking at me. I have chronic migraines. The pain I live with is intense and affects every aspect of my life. So, why do I feel embarrassed or even ashamed to tell people that I am disabled? There is no shame in this, right? So, why do I always feel like I have to explain myself? Because I do. People don't get it. Unless you live with chronic migraine, you cannot possibly get it. So, when I meet a new person, I have to explain what a migraine really is--it's so NOT a headache--and how a migraine can debilitate you, how a migraine can disrupt your whole life. Sometimes, I get tired of explaining it. But, I just swallow my pride and realize that when I have to explain myself, I am teaching somebody something not just about migraines but about acceptance and about not making assumptions. So, maybe all this having to explain myself is really a good thing. Well...I like to look at it that way, anyway.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-41439636151566055622013-01-08T13:46:00.001-05:002013-01-08T13:46:57.990-05:00Migraine Symptoms, No Headache...What?!On December 17, I was feeling "off" all day....I just didn't feel right. I felt out of it, slow, just weird, not myself. In the evening, my symptoms started to get more pronounced; my vision started to blur and I felt dizzy and nauseous. I figured I migraine was coming on. These symptoms are common when I get a migraine. Then, oddly, my whole left side became numb feeling, tingly--even my face! It felt like my face was swelling or going slack, my neck all the way down my feet was tingly. I couldn't walk straight! I sat on the couch, thinking that a migraine was coming, getting ready to take one of my rescue meds. But, a the migraine didn't come, the numbness just got worse! Hubby took me to the ER. I have a CT scan and blood work done. They couldn't figure out what was going on. Luckily, I had an appointment with my neurologist the next day. I was still experiencing the numbness at this point. She put in the hospital and I had MRIs and and MRA done. Luckily it was nothing serious. The neurologist said that I was having the symptoms of a migraine without the pain, a "silent migraine" she called it. I said, "so, what do I do about it." She advised me that I just had to deal with it, just treat it like a migraine--rest, lay down, don't drive and, if the pain starts, take your meds. Ok, great! Now, I have to deal with screaming migraines and silent migraines! What next?!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-6539751144541537452012-12-04T12:11:00.000-05:002012-12-04T12:11:48.414-05:00Finding Peace in Glitter I am interested in so many things and try my hand at so many things, that I stress myself out because I want to do everything my absolute best--from parenting, to writing, to scrapbooking, to Tae Kwon Do--it has all been so overwhelming! The other day, my daughter asked me how come I never watch T.V. I looked at her, perplexed. I do, I said. No, she pointed out, you kind of listen to it, but you are always on your laptop or your phone or writing something or reading or doing laundry or something. It hit me--she was so right! I almost never allow myself to do one thing at a time! Why? Why in the world am I doing this to myself?! I realize that I do this because I am so afraid of not getting something done because of the migraines that I force myself to get everything done as quickly as possible. I understand now why I do it. But, I gotta tell ya, this is no way to live! I thought I had gotten past this, I thought I had evolved and was accepting my limitations. I was fooling myself. Now that I know this, I pledge to myself to do better. No, not do more things. I have had to cross some things off my "have to do" list permanently (eek!) and others I have moved to the "will do if/when I have time list." I have decided that I will do one thing at a time as much as possible and try to be "in the moment," as they say. I am freaked out about doing this. I have been trying it the past few days and it is weird and it is scary, but I know it is best for me. And, I have actually had time (and the energy) to do some cool crafty projects, with glitter, of course, and it relaxes me and the sense of accomplishment completing a project brings me is an awesome feeling! So, I will glitter on! And rest when I am tired and stop making so many damn lists!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-36481592409517419412012-09-20T08:30:00.002-04:002012-09-20T08:30:35.554-04:00Pushing the Limits<br />
Since the last post, I have begun taking Tae Kwon Do classes. I was very hesitant, at first, because I was so afraid that doing TKD would trigger a migraine. But, I pushed myself. I pushed myself for three reasons, one--I need the exercise and the gym is getting way too boring, two--TKD is a great sport for fitness as well confidence-building and self-esteem and, after being locked in the house in pain and depression for so long, I need something to help me get back to myself and to become stronger, and three--I am so sick of living in fear! I have done that for so long--too long! I have closed myself off from my friends, my family, my life...I don't want to live like that anymore. I can't. I won't. <br />
So far, Tae Kwon Do has been wonderful! The work out is awesome and learning the moves and forms is challenging and fun. And ya know what? The migraines are still attacking daily, but they have been for many, many months. However, now I just don't lie down, pop some pills and suffer the pain. I keep moving as long as I am able. And, if I have to lie down, I do it knowing that I tried, that I am doing what is best for me, that I did not just surrender.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-41065796358543815872012-08-31T09:05:00.001-04:002012-08-31T09:05:33.918-04:00Know Your LimitationsBeing a disabled person, I hear this, "know your limitations," or "don't try to do too much," and similar pieces of advice all of the time. Good advice, I suppose. But, it is easier said than done for someone like me who has always tried to do my best, be my best and who has incredible responsibilities in my four children and aspirations for a better future for myself. I want to get well; I do not want to give up my former life of teaching forever. However, when I push too hard, I do get sick, then, I get sad and angry with myself, because I should know better. I should know that I cannot do all things that I want to do or that my kids want me to do. And, painful, as it can be, I have to live with it. I have to accept it. I can help myself by saying, "no" more. For example, to my preschool child's teacher, "No, I cannot volunteer to help in the classroom." All that fluorescent lighting and the shrill voices of a bunch of small children will trigger a migraine for sure. Do I want to help? Sure, I do. But, it's okay if I don't. Class will go on. Life will go on. An open audition at a theatre a town nearby was brought to my attention. And, I really, really wanted to audition. I planned on it. The evening of the audition arrived, and I was planning to go. Then, I paused. I paused and thought about the long, possible late-night rehearsals, the blaring stage lights, and the stress. I realized that, at this point when I am still getting the migraines every day, that I just could not do it. It was a sad thing for me, and I was quite bummed the rest of the night, but I knew I had made the right decision for me. I know my limitations. Sad, but true. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-81666091256215989932012-08-24T09:01:00.002-04:002012-08-24T09:01:56.827-04:00FriendlessThe other night I attended my two oldest daughters' middle school Open House. At the Open House, the parent(s) follows the child's schedule and gets a chance to listen to the teacher discuss his/her class and his/her expectations for the child. During the lunch slot of the child's schedule, the parent's congregated in the cafeteria to feast on cookies and bottled water and to chit-chat. Well, I nervously ate a cookie, even though I should not have as I am trying to eliminate sugar from my diet. I didn't need the water as I'd brought a bottle of coconut water. Why was I nervous? I guess I wasn't exactly, nervous, but self-conscious, maybe. I felt awkward, much like I did for many of my junior high and high school years, because I didn't have anyone to talk to. As I looked around the cafeteria, through my sunglasses, of course, some of the people looked vaguely familiar. I knew that I had seen the some of the same faces at a Choir concert or a soccer game, and, yet, I did not know any of them well enough to approach them and begin a conversation, and I, certainly, did not count any friends among them. I felt sad about that. I realized that I really don't have very many adult friends, meaning friends that I have made in years since college. One reason for this--chronic migraines. The chronic migraines have kept me so shut-in that I haven't made any connections with other people. I have not been able to work for four years, so I have not made any co-worker friends, as most adults do. There are no lunch dates or work Christmas parties on my social calendar. I do not go to church, mainly because I usually cannot function on a regular enough basis to join a church, so you can cut out church picnics and prayer groups. So, I looked around and watched other parents who were also friends, or at least acquaintances, talk about their kids, church, town events, and so fourth. And, I just prayed for the bell to ring, so I wouldn't have to stand there like a loser, sipping on my coconut water all alone. There are a myriad of ways that having chronic migraines impacts my life, but this particular side effect, so to speak, did not really hit me until that night. So, what can I do? I, unfortunately, do not see an end in sight for my chronic migraines, so there will always be missed sporting events, concerts, birthday parties and other potential friend-making events. The only thing I can do is try to make a real effort to spend my good days among other adults and not be afraid to approach people. I have to stop feeling ashamed of my disease and its impact on my life and simply accept my fate and celebrate the good days. A lot of the time, I don't want to make the effort to talk with others because I hate explaining why I am not working or why I have to wear sunglasses inside. It's time to let that go, to stop feeling bad about something that I cannot control, and, instead to try to "put myself out there" more and make new friends. Easier said than done, I know. However, I am up to the challenge, it cannot be harder than dealing with migraines, right?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-47905089140166051142012-08-16T19:17:00.001-04:002012-08-16T19:17:37.271-04:00A Lovely Bunch of Coconut...WaterStaying hydrated is absolutely essential in the battle of the migraine! I always thought I was getting plenty of water to drink. I drink my 8 glasses a day, so I figured that was enough. It isn't. I was taken to the ER about a month ago when I got really dizzy and my limbs felt heavy. They told me I was dehydrated. I was shocked! I didn't think being dehydrated could cause heavy limbs, and I really thought I was getting enough fluids. Since that day, I have been making sure that I never get dehydrated again. I drink tons of water and have started drinking two to three coconut waters every day. Coconut water tastes nasty, it is a wonderous thing! It hydrates much better than Powerade or Gatorade and contains massive amounts of potassium and magnesium! Since, adding coconut to my daily regimen, I have noticed a decrease in the frequency of killer migraines (I still get them, but, overall, the intensity is not that bad). Furthermore, I have noticed a reduction in feelings of nausea and dizziness. Pretty remarkable...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-16307843871699144692012-08-06T02:23:00.003-04:002012-08-06T02:23:58.703-04:00Let Them Eat.....Flaxseed and Bran?In the past few months, I have done a lot of playing around with my diet. I've experimented with dairy-free and dabbled in a pseudo-elimination diet (meaning, I couldn't quite pull it off, I didn't always recall all the foods I couldn't eat and, admittedly, sometimes I ate foods I knew I shouldn't). I did manage to stay almost completely tyramine-free this summer and greatly reduced my sugar intake, trying to ingest only natural sugars from fruits and juices. I did eat sweets on occasion but not nearly as much as I was wont to. Okay, now, what have I learned? First, that sticking to any kind of diet is hard, annoying and, often, incovenient. Second, that it helps if you think of it as a lifestyle change and not a diet. And third, that caffeine, dairy and sugar are definite migraine triggers for me. I figured out that dairy is a huge trigger and one that I never noticed in all these years of keeping food diaries because I simply just never thought of it as being a possible culprit on the list of migraine triggers. I found that I can eat a little bit of dairy and not get a migraine. However, if I eat more than about one serving of dairy in a day, I will most certainly end up with a bad migraine! This has changed the way I eat very much. I rarely eat cereal anymore and skip the cheese on sandwiches and avoid adding it to pasta, soups, salads and so on. This has taken some getting used to for sure! Caffeine affects me in much the same way as dairy--a little is okay but only a little. No more venti lattes for me! Sigh... Lastly, sugar, like dairy and caffeine, is okay in limited amounts, but I have had to severely limit my intake of it. I try not to ingest any sugar aside from the natural sugars in fruits and juices. I love Coke, so, when I go out to eat, I will allow myself to have one, but I never buy it anymore and do not keep any sweets or sugary snacks in the house. I have the occasional candy bar or Twizzlers at the movies or with my kids, but that is it. I didn't even eat cake on my birthday! I ate flax-bran muffins (trust me, they are way more delicious than they sound), which I made myself; the only sugar in them was a small amount of light brown sugar. No migraines after enjoying a few of those!...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-43323385028079442892012-08-03T01:23:00.000-04:002012-08-03T01:23:50.702-04:00Migralex, now that's some BS!Have the rest of you seen the ads for Migralex? It is a supposed "break-through" drug created by a supposed "renowned neurolgist.....it is actually aspirin and magnesium oxide!!! Are you kidding me?! Most of the migraneurs I know are taking large amounts of Magnesium every day as a preventative and some have it injected or given intravaneously to treat migraines...so, since when was magnesium and its effect on migraines news? And, aspirin!--how freaking long has aspirin been around?! I can guarantee that we have all, at least once, reached for aspirin to treat a headache! If aspirin actually worked, we could have solved the migraine crisis ages ago! Does this quack Migralex creator really think that migraine sufferers are really that gullible? or desperate? or stupid? It really pisses me off!<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-91427892787731773132012-07-23T03:39:00.002-04:002012-07-23T03:39:16.282-04:00Elimination ArticleHere's a link to a very interesting Huffington Post article about elimination diets and migraine:<br />
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-mark-hyman/how-to-eliminate-migraine_b_451311.html<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-77574003808686325112012-07-23T02:57:00.000-04:002012-07-23T03:31:29.590-04:00Eliminate This (and that..and this...and this, and that...)Well, I failed at my dairy-free diet I mentioned a month or so ago. I did really well for a week or two, then, I just gave up. I figured it was not really working, so, I said, "eh," shrugged my shoulders and reached for the ice cream. Not my most shining moment... In any event, I have come to the conclusion that I need to, seriously this time, look to my diet for any insight into what is causing these daily migraines. So, I have decided on an elimination diet, where I will eliminate ALL common migraine triggers (including caffeine and chocolate--yikes!) for a full two months. During those months, I will continue to keep a food diary and, of course, a headache calendar/diary. After the two months are up, I will slowly add foods back in, giving each food a one-week trial to see if it is a trigger or not. Eventually, I should be able to identify some triggers and, then, I can avoid them in the future. This will take a long time, but, I'm desperate, I have to be willing to go the distance, right? This is going to be difficult. No, not difficult. This is going to be friggin' Hell. But, I cannot take the pain any more. I have to do something...<br />
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If you would like to take this turbulent journey with me, here is a link to a list of the foods that I will be eliminating (including, gulp...coffee! Lord, help me!): http://altmedicine.about.com/od/popularhealthdiets/a/migrainediet.htm<br />
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Also, if you have done or are doing an elimination diet, I'd love to hear about it....please feel free to comment here or e-mail me at: <i>chelle8178@gmail.com</i> or on Facebook at <i>Migraine Awareness</i>.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8746106867986218162.post-33207131702023488312012-07-19T00:12:00.001-04:002012-07-19T00:12:47.120-04:00In PatientMy hospital stay this time was 5 days. During that time I was mostly comfortable, though not pain-free. The first night was hell-I had a killer migraine and could not stop throwing up! To add insult to injury, the nurse was not at all pleasant, sympathetic or accommodating! I had to practically beg her to bring me something to throw up in because I was getting to weak to run to the bathroom every five minutes! She finally did bring me a container and emptied it angrily throughout the night. Very late in the night (or very early in the morning), I asked her to give me IV fluids, since, at this point I was throwing up bile or dry-heaving as I had not eaten in several hours and couldn't even keep the tiniest sip of water down. She snickered and informed me that I did not need the fluids. I insisted; she begrudgingly obliged. And, ya know what? I stop throwing up when I was about half way through the bag of fluids! As Dr. Phil would say, "This ain't my first rodeo!" I have been here many, many times, I knew the fluids would stop the vomiting. The migraine was still there, but, at least, I could now rest. After that first night, things got better. I skipped the classes that I had attended during my last two stays, and, instead, got a lot of rest. The sleep, even in that uncomfortable hospital bed, was blissful. I needed it. I did attend some of the more interesting classes and activities. The arts and crafts class was fun and relaxing, and I enjoyed Biofeedback, as well. I received three nerve blocks in the left side of my neck, and, at this point, I cannot say that I have noticed an impact on my migraines; however, my neck does feel a tad less stiff. The best thing is that I left there with the contact information of three new friends! I also left with a brand-new list of meds, both preventative and abortive. So far, I don't think they are working all that great. I am back to daily migraines, though, I have had less throwing up and nausea, in general. So, we shall see.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16584973188995910902noreply@blogger.com0