Inside/Outside

I am on the inside climbing the walls, screaming, scratching, running with no end in sight. On the outside, I appear normal, maybe a nervous shake of my leg will give me away. I feel crazy. I don't look crazy, but I feel crazy. I feel crazy and my head hurts. I want to bash it into a wall until it stops hurting; the thought of suicide even crossed my mind. Sounds crazy, I know. But that is how I feel. This was me a week ago. That's what landed me back into the hospital. Doc says the medicine made me feel that way. And, obviously, my migraine needed to be dealt with, as well. A week letter, I feel better. Not crazy but no cured. I'm afraid I may never be cured. And, my head? I did not pound it against the wall, I took the DHE treatments. And, now I can say that it still hurts, but it is at a manageable level. I know it won't stay that way, not for very long. And, that, is my cross to bear. I accept it. I have chronic migraine disease. I live with pain. But, dear friends, the point is, I live. I reached out. Always reach out to your doctor if you feel like your meds are not right, it's your body, you are in control of it. And, if that doc won't listen, get yourself a new one. And, live on, fight on.