Sunday, February 26, 2012

Off the Hook

On the migraine forums that I visit and garner support from almost daily, a fellow migraineur brought up the topic of guilt. One that any migraineur is all to familiar with, and is very frustrating, disheartening, and, overall, just plain sucks! I have to talk myself out of feeling guilty all the time. Yesterday, when I made it to my daughter's basket ball game, I felt very good, but when we got home and I had to lay down afterwards, I felt guilty. Last night, when I was still in bed donning my face mask and ear plugs, and I couldn't make dinner, I felt guilty. My husband assured me that he didn't mind making dinner...again..but I still felt guilty. I know this isn't my fault. But, ya know, sometimes knowing that, understanding that this is not my faulty doesn't make me feel any better, it just pisses me off! It isn't fair to have to constantly make sacrifices and for those around you to have to pick up the slack because a migraine ambushes you. One who knows this struggle, a migraine-sufferer, like me, Jewishmother from the site, writes:

I think guilt is a common emotion for a lot of us. I feel guilty because I: can no longer work and contribute financially, have to cancel plans at the last minute, wake up my husband in the middle of the night so he can massage my aching head, and even though I spend all day at home some days I still can't get done basic chores due to my migraines. We need to remember that the migraines are not our fault.........we are being bullied by our bodies and we are not choosing to be sick.

I constantly have to remind myself of the things that I am able to do and that I am doing my best. I think we all push hard to go out and do things when we should be home - I think that is human nature - and it is okay to do that now and then. We need though to take care of ourselves and let ourselves off the hook when we do have to cancel. We are not our illness but we do have to make room in our lives for it. My husband and my best friend are very supportive and understand when my migraines get in the way......they are by my side when the pain is at its worst and bringing me drugs, ice, heat, whatever I am asking for to help.

Guilt is a normal response but please don't pay too much attention to it when it raises its ugly head.......

Good advice, Jewishmother, and I think that is the key, having those around you who will be there to pick you up when you need them to and to choose to ignore that guilt when it comes around because it will. Yes, it will, again and again. And, for me, I have to let go of the anger. I know this isn't my fault, and like, my friend, Jewishmother, advises, I have to let myself off the hook.

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